Community
Inter-dependence
The key to life
Interdependence means that we rely on each other to live and grow.
In personal growth, it's like recognizing that we need help and support from others to become better people.
We learn from each other's experiences and skills, and together, we create a stronger, more vibrant life.
It's the idea that working together and building connections is the key to a fulfilling and meaningful life.
Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023
Relationships thrive when they are rooted in interdependence.
Healthy relationships are formed when people take the time to address the issues that are manifesting in their relationship instead of ignoring them, minimizing them , or pretending they don't exist.
Healthy relationships are built and sustained when:
You and your partner practice communicating your needs.
Your expectations of each other are clear and honored
You attract problems and not each other
You disagree in a respectable manner
You trust and respect each other , including when there are differences
You can grow both as an individual and as a couple
You are interdependent, not enmeshed or codependent
You both feel safe with each other’s physical and intimate needs
You are thoughtful and put effort into keeping the relationship going.
The conditions of love
Extract from: Owning our Struggles by Minaa B. 2023
Inter-dependance:
Although our childhood can have a major impact on how we grow and evolve, our adult relationships can also be deeply complex and traumatic, which may result in counterdependent behaviors, especially in our romantic lives, if we consistently experience being let down by our partners or people we thought were our friends.
Signs of counterdependency:
-You refuse to seek or ask for help because you perceive it as a form of weakness
-You cut people out of your life easily if they get too close, vulnerable or intimate
-You feel like people can't be trusted and you project hurt from past relationships onto new people
-You experience discomfort when being vulnerable and become anxious when a person gets too close.
-You come off as egotistical, entitled and self-centered from your inability tom see the needs of others.
-You have many friends but complain of being lonely and lack of closeness because you refuse to be vulnerable and participate in developing connections
-You have a history of repeated failed relationships due to an inability to compromise and care for the needs of your partners, focusing primarily on your own needs instead.
-You’re the strong friend who knows everyone’s business, but no one knows anything about you because of your lack of vulnerability and fear of closeness
-You are addicted to working to distract yourself from your emotional needs and to avoid intimacy.
Because American culture is very egocentric and individualistic, its created the belief that to thrive we must be independent, and its is a personal failure not to be.
The goal is to learn how to engage in healthy dependency by leaning into community and tapping into resources available to us through help, advocacy and collaboration.
Overcoming counterdependency and engaging in healthy dependance looks like:
-Exploring unhealthy patterns that have led to failed relationships and confronting the roles you play in them
-Challenging your beliefs about what help and support looks like
-Admitting that you have flaws and not seeing them as a sign of your value and morality
-Engaging in hobbies that require trust, team building and guided direction (e.g. volleyball, swimming classes)
-Challenging cognitive distortions (e.g. making assumptions about people, jumping to conclusions, taking things personally) that impact closeness by writing them down or speaking them out loud.
Disclaimer:
This website is for information only. It represents the unproven opinions / thoughts of various authors or collaborating partners.
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Updated: November 2023
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