Our Struggles

Relationships

Managing expectations

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Relationships

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Slide 1

🧠 Relationships & Expectations

Not just about who’s in your life — but how you show up when things get real.

Slide 2

⚠️ A lot of drama?

Comes down to expectations. We assume people know what we need. (Spoiler: they usually don’t.)

Slide 3

🤯 We think:

“They should’ve known.” “They should’ve acted differently.” “They should just get it.”

But they’re not in your head. You are.

Slide 4

✅ Healthy expectations =

– Clear – Fair – Realistic

And guess what? That starts with talking — not guessing.

Slide 5

💬 Communication isn’t weakness.

It’s leadership. It builds trust. Reduces tension. And makes you easier to connect with.

Slide 6

🛠 Solid relationships =

– Say what you mean – Ask what they need – Stay open, not defensive

Slide 7

👊 Be the guy who’s real — not just reactive.

Honest expectations build stronger bonds — and cause way less drama or misunderstandings.

Please connect with us if you want more information on this topic or just want to chat.

PeaceBuilders Opinion 1

Relationships and Managing Expectations

What does that really mean? It sounds complicated, but it’s about keeping your promises. For example, if you say you’ll take out the trash, do it. Small actions like this matter.

Sometimes, in relationships, we forget to appreciate the other person. We don’t listen or give them a chance to speak.

Most relationships don’t just break because of one big problem. It happens over time, when small disrespectful actions pile up. Poor communication, like not talking or sharing thoughts, can also cause trouble.

But, we can learn to have healthy relationships. It doesn’t mean we agree on everything, but we can still listen to each other’s views. We’re all unique, with good and bad habits. Some help our relationships, while others can harm them.

130

Author's Opinion 1

Book: Why has nobody told me this before? By Dr Julie Smith 2022 On Meaningful Life

35. Relationships - Relationships Topic

Our relationships are what makes us human.

When humans interact, we make each other feel things.

Turning towards each other is the foundation of building a deep and trusting connection.

How to build meaningful and long-lasting connection:

Self-awareness

Focusing on who you want to be in the relationship, how you want to behave and what you want to bring to the connection, as well as where your boundaries are and why.

Emotional responsivenes

Are you there for me? Do I matter enough for you to stay? When I need you most, what are you going to do?

When we sense that we have lost our connection, our brain sets a fight or flight alarm - bells ringing and we start doing everything to feel safe again.

For some that is aggression, for others it is backing off and hiding away, or bringing down the emotional shutters and not letting on that you care at all.

Respectful complaining

When we play the blame game nobody wins. Healthy relationships are not free of conflict.

They require work on carefully repairing ruptures in the connection.

The ability to self - reflect and work on change is the creation of a relationship in which there is acceptance, no-judgment and unconditional positive regard.

Repairs

Our priority is reconnection.

Reconnection demands the ingredients that created the connection in the first place: acceptance, compassion, love and gratitude for each other.

The key is persistence and the commitment to take a step back, re-evaluate and do our best to repair when things go wrong.

Turning towards gratitude

Making a conscious decision to focus on the things that e admire about them is a relative simple task that can shift not only your emotional state but how you then choose to behave towards them.

Shared meaning and values

Finding where our personal values fit together and overlap with our partner’s and having respect for where they might differ is the key to relationships that can withstand life’s challenges.

Relationship myths:

Love shouldn't be hard

Be together always

Happily ever after

Relationship success means staying together at all costs.

**How to build meaningful and long-lasting connection:

Summary:

When it comes to happy life, relationships beat money, fame, social class and all the things we are told to put our effort into.

Our relationships and how happy we feel about them are not separate from our overall health. They are at the core of the equation.

Working on the self helps your relationships. And working on your relationships helps working on the self.

Attachment styles early in life can often be reflected in our adult relationships.

36. When to seek help Go To: Authors Opinion - Alone Topic

Author's Opinion 2

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

Gottman’s 7 principles of a successful relationship;

-Enhance your love maps

You know your partner's inner world, from life dreams to your favorite movie, as a best friend would.

-Nurture fondness and admiration

You have a positive view and a deep appreciation of your partner, and express it.

-Turn towards each other instead of away

State your needs, be aware of bids for connection, and turn towards them

-Let your partner influence you

You shouldn’t make important life decisions on your own as a single person would

-Solve your solvable problems

All couples have solvable and recurring problems., but long term couples solve those they can and understand there will always be recurring problems.

-Overcome gridlock

What often underlies recurring problems are unfulfilled dreams. Talk about those dreams with the goal of making peace with the problem.

-Create shared meaning

Develop the big and the small rituals that help build the bond with your partner.

Rituals range from hosting an annual party to having coffee together in the morning.

Author's Opinion 3

Handouts: Home Improvement: Men in Relationship Jan 2024

What makes a healthy relationship?

Some qualities of a healthy relationship are:

-Mutual respect

Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other person is and understands - and would never challenge - the other person's boundaries.

Does your partner listen when you say you’re not comfortable doing something and then back off right away?

Does your partner really appreciate you just the way you are, without you having to act like someone you are not?

-Trust

Trust in a relationship means opening ourselves to another, revealing ourselves to that person and relying on the other to come through for us. Trust needs to be reciprocal for the relationship to work.

Both persons in the relationship need to be trustworthy. Jealousy is a natural emotion, but how a person reacts when he or she feels jealous is what matters.

Accusations are never a part of a trusting relationship.

-Honesty

This goes hand in hand with trust because it’s hard to trust someone if you are not sure they are honest.

You need to completely believe in the honesty of a a person for the relationship to work.

-Support

Support is necessary for the good times as well as the bad times.

Some people are great when your world is falling apart, but can't be there when things are going well (or vice versa).

In a healthy relationship your partner is there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on and is there to celebrate with you your successes.

Fairness / equality

Fairness involves give-and -take in a relationship.

Taking turns; spending time with each other's friends; each having equal input in decision making and each person feeling heard.

Compromises are necessary, but they need to be done by both persons in the relationship.

-Separate identities

Before you were in the relationship you each had your own lives and that shouldn’t change.

It’s helpful to have separate interests and maintain your own identity.

And each should feel free to keep developing new talents, interests and friends.

-Good communication

This is one of the most important components.

It is so important to ask if we’re not sure what what our partners means and to speak honestly and openly so that miscommunication is avoided in the first place.

It is important not to keep feeling bottled up because of fear that it may not be what your partner wanted to hear.

Keep the communication open; however, if you need time to think something through before you’re ready to talk about it, say so, and the “right”person will give you some space to do that.

Humor is also part of good communication, but it should never be used to be hurtful or to make a point.

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Updated: November 2023

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